So its my first time in years since I even wrote on this blog but I kind of feel like it at the moment. Now that I look back at my old post before this one I kind of feel like I am pretty mean and its kind of sad.
Well anyways back to the main topic.
There's a lot of new things that has been happening lately just got in a fight that could of been avoided with the Gf. Sad to say it was really I who picked the fight, I didn't really want to get angry but I just ended up blowing up again like I usually do when I am mad. Which is Terrible...
My anger just escalated because I was feeling to much of a pushover to her. A lot of things that I do just tends to anger her and irritate her nothing really helps. Normal convo's just turn into annoyances for the both of us. I try to keep my cool for the most part but if things just constantly redo itself, and she says stuff like she doesn't like me and that all i do is annoy her. I just feel like I am doing nothing to make her happy. The fact that I just enlisted to the army and leaving in 6 months also is making things worse for us. Cause I know she thinks I am not doing enough with her since all I been able to do is go work and gym right after. I really wish I could balance the time of my relationship with her, work, and gym a lot better. I really wanted to plan to go six flags around next week when I get paid, since she has never been there and that would probably be the last thing I could do with her that's somewhat big before her summer ends. But I don't even know if that will happen now cause of the fight that I just took advantage of and just said hurtful shit to her like I always do. Only if our relationship didn't go so sour in these past few days. I mean I tried to make her happy spend a bit of time. Going to mall with her and her sister on monday skipped my workout to play left 4 dead with her (which is pretty fun with her). Tuesday I believe she went to the fair or was it wednesday one of those days, so I didn't see her for the whole day. And then the next day I only seen her for lunch..
and thursday i was able to see her for the morning for a bit. Everything was going okay for a lil while just things got bad again, just me being annoying and irritating again. Thursday night I let her go out with her friends however even after we werent able to talk much. I don't know if i kept bugging you that night with your friends or what but she just seemed unhappy later that night. I felt a little used as well, I offered to take her friends home and such after they were done with w.e. but instead insisted on driving them. It's just I don't want her driving past curfew and with others I wasn't trying to seem like a parent or whatnot. Just worried about her under the influence driving with others when she wasn't suppose too. If something did go wrong would have been my fault or my families. Maybe she didn't see it that way but its w.e. I like letting her use my car to go places do things but I feel like I was being used that night since she came to pick me up and we didn't really get to talk about what she did or anything. All it was, was me getting my car back just to take her home. There was no thanks, sorry, nothing. just here you go ur car take me home. I also tried asking her what she was doing tomorrow i know she had community service but I wanted to slide in saying oh did you want to go watch movies in the morning b4 that. instead it was "im going to do community service what else" as if I didn't know or didn't care to listen from earlier that day. So instead of me asking really i just said i was going to go.. so next day happens i lightly call her out to see if she would wake up but she wouldnt so I just let her sleep. Decided to send a text to her saying gmorning and all that. no reply till 2 just saying pick me up. I kind of felt like it was kind of rude. just oh i took ur car i went out i did this and that, yet we still havent really gotten to talk. Here it is my day off, i dont mind picking you up just when I or we do all i felt was not even there a shadow couldnt talk to u. tried to at walgreens get close felt like i coudlnt get close to you. just pushed away to the side. So I was just frustrated and annoyed. All you wanted was to do was go home, no explanation no anything. But i guess my day off doesn't matter, All i wanted was to spend time with you instead all i did was get angry and yell at you. What a bad last couple of days. Maybe when she's with her friends she feels a greater excitement then being with me. So............. what is there for me to do. Wish i could make things right but whenever i say hurtful shit. why would she want to come back? I guess ill just go sleep and work again tomorrow.
